How to Talk to Your Parents - After They Fell for a Scam
April 14, 2025
How to Understand Their Needs—Without Shaming Them
Scams prey on human nature, not intelligence. Older adults are often targeted because they’re trusting, polite, and may be more isolated. If your parent got scammed, they weren’t foolish—they were targeted.
Take the long view.
Unfortunately, this won't be the last time they are targeted. Reminder to checkout our post on recovery scams. Once they have fallen for a scam, whoever scammed them knows that they have a method of contacting a susceptible human with access to resources. That's a valuable target and they will try to exploit that knowledge. Stay on their team. Hear them, so that the next time they have an ally, not a reason to keep it to themselves.
Start by listening. Full stop.
Let them know their experience matters to you. Their emotions are real, understandable, and okay to have. When someone’s been scammed, they might feel embarrassed, angry, or ashamed. Instead of rushing to fix the problem or minimize their reaction, take a moment to acknowledge it: “That must have felt so upsetting” or “that trick was really diabolical.” Validation builds safety and trust—it shows them they’re not alone or being judged, and that their experience matters.
Checkout our full post on Post-Scam Victim Interviewing.
Keep Your Questions Open
Once they are comfortable talking to you, ask them to tell you what happened in their own words. Use open-ended questions like:
- “Can you walk me through what they said?”
- “What made it seem trustworthy?”
- "What have you seen in the past that made this seem more credible?"
Avoid judgmental language.
Saying things like “I can’t believe you fell for that” or “Why would you give them your password?” only builds walls. Instead, validate their experience:
“That sounds really convincing—I can see how anyone would fall for it.”
Remember: The goal is not to scold. It’s to understand how the scam worked, how they felt, and what support they need now.
How to Help Them Stop It From Happening Again
Once they feel safe talking about it, you can help them protect themselves going forward—without overwhelming or infantilizing them.
1. Review What Info Was Shared
Help them identify what might be at risk. Did they give out banking info, passwords, or Social Security numbers? If so, help them take steps:
- Contact their bank to flag the issue
- Freeze credit with the three major bureaus
- Change compromised passwords (and write them down somewhere safe)
*Writing down passwords is something that people are generally taught not to do in some settings. Keep in mind that you may need to adjust your tactics to the situation.
2. Set Up Safety Nets
Small tools go a long way:
- Add spam filters or call blockers to their phone
- Set up multi-factor authentication on sensitive accounts
- Use a password manager or a physical notebook
3. Practice Spotting Scams Together
Show them how scams often work—urgency, threats, impersonation of authority. Use examples (or tools like ScamFerret) to walk through fake messages and talk out loud about red flags.
Make it a shared activity, not a lecture. Try:
“Can we look at some examples together so I can understand what to watch out for, too?”
4. Keep the Conversation Going
Scammers don’t give up. Check in regularly—not just to talk about scams, but to build trust. That way, if something feels off in the future, they’re more likely to tell you first.
Final Thought
Your parents raised you. Now, you get to help protect them—even if it's tough to do it with kindness, not criticism. When you approach the conversation with empathy and practical support, you’re not just stopping scams. You’re rebuilding confidence and trust. Give yourself the banked trust to help them the next time.
