When Love Captures Someone: Talking to a Potential Victim About Romance Scams
May 8, 2025
Discovering that your parent or friend might be involved in a romance scam is heartbreaking—and incredibly hard to talk about. You might feel a mix of anger, fear, protectiveness, or even disbelief. But if you approach the conversation the wrong way, it can push them away—just when they need you most.
Here are ways to start the conversation with empathy, avoid shame, and guide them toward safety. Keep in mind that victims of romance scams may never believe that they are victims. Do NOT enable them with money. This can be a very complex problem to address. Romance scams are a type of pig butchering scam which involves the victim fully trusting the scammer.
1. Start with Concern, Not Accusation
Don’t open with “This person is a scammer.” That immediately puts your parent on the defensive. Instead, lead with how you feel:
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, and I’m worried. I just want to make sure you’re safe.”
This frames your concern as love, not judgment.
2. Ask Questions Instead of Making Statements
If you jump in with accusations, they may shut down. Ask open-ended, gentle questions that give your parent room to talk:
- “How did you meet them?”
- “Have you video chatted or met in person?”
- “What kinds of things do they talk to you about?”
These questions can help them reflect without pressure—and may even help them recognize inconsistencies on their own.
3. Avoid Shaming Language
Romance scams prey on emotions—loneliness, hope, the desire to feel seen. Anyone can fall for one, regardless of age or intelligence. Avoid phrases like:
- “How could you fall for that?”
- “This is obviously fake.”
Instead, try:
“Scammers are really good at this. They know how to build trust and manipulate emotions.”
This shifts the blame to the scammer, where it belongs.
4. Share Stories—Not Just Warnings
It can help to show that this has happened to others. Share news stories or videos about people in similar situations. Even better, mention a scam alert from a trusted source, like AARP, the FBI, or your bank’s fraud page.
“I saw a warning the other day about this exact kind of scam. It reminded me of what you mentioned.”
Sometimes it’s easier to hear a warning from a neutral source than from family.
5. Offer a Way Out Without Humiliation
If your parent is starting to have doubts, make it easy for them to walk away with dignity. Say things like:
“It’s okay to be wrong—what matters is that you’re safe now.”
Or:
“If you want, I can help you block them or report it. You don’t have to deal with it alone.”
6. Keep the Door Open
Even if they push back, don’t cut them off. Many victims take time to accept the truth. Let them know you’re always there:
“I’ll never judge you. If you ever feel like something’s off, you can tell me anything.”
Final Thoughts
Romance scams don’t just steal money—they exploit love and trust. Your parent may feel embarrassed, defensive, or deeply invested in the person they’ve come to care about. But with patience, compassion, and consistent support, you can help them see the truth—and take their first step toward healing.
